tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
