when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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