I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
