Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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