It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
