have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
