I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
