I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
