Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
