I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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