I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
