these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize