remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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