Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My dick has a subreddit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
