remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
