she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
MIDGETS
????
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
