hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
