my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize