no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
