I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
