The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
