considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
