Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
