His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
