If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
