I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
