; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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