Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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