jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
