im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
