So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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