When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
