your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my sisters under your porch take her home
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
