True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
