So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
