Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
