So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
