barbara walters just said penis...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
