i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
