My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
