Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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