i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
