She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
