So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
