He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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