My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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