if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
