if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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