So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
