i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
