"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
