He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
