Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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