mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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