My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
