I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
