I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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