So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
