the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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