dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
