oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
