so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
