i already hear my dad disowning me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
