I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
