wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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