Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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