My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I believe in your delicious
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