I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
