my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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