So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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