Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
