Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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