I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
