OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
