meet me or not, i'm out of control
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
