I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
