i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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