I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
